


Data and the New Arrival

by tarie



Category: Frasier - Fandom, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-30
Updated: 2012-10-30
Packaged: 2017-11-17 09:57:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarie/pseuds/tarie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Niles Crane finds himself on a mysterious island.  Data is there to greet him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Data and the New Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> I used to be a member of Tabula Rasa RPG, a panfandom RPG set on a mysterious island where people just show up out of thin air. Any humanoid character who arrives loses their powers/becomes fully human. For the holiday season, we did Secret Santas and gave our person various gifts (icons, paid time, fanmixes, layouts, headers, ficlets, kudos, etc). This was a gift for the person who played Data.

Data has been on the island for one day, eighteen hours, thirty-seven minutes, and 0.27 seconds. Until this very moment, he had yet to have seen a life-form appear as if out of thin air, as they say. Air, certainly, can not be thin nor thick, no matter if it is troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere, ionosphere, exosphere, or magnetosphere. The trophosphere, the lowest portion of Earth's atmosphere, is the densest layer of the atmosphere. Containing approximately 75% of the mass of the atmosphere, carrying most of the aerosol and water vapor, it extends from the Earth's surface up to the tropopause where the stratosphere, stratified in temperature with warmer layers higher up and cooler layers farther down, begins.

Standing on Tabula Rasa's shore (Blank Slate in the Latin), Data blinks as he watches a life-form, one that resembles a human male – thin, blond, square-jawed, appear. One moment Data was alone and in the next he is not.

"Curious," Data says, blinking. Data had not expected company. Perhaps the human – a quick scan with the tricorder confirmed he was humanoid – will be in need of salutations. He is not indigenous, after all, and providing comfort or familiarity is necessary.

"Greetings," he calls, approaching the man.

The man doesn't look at him; he seems to be engrossed with his shoes. He lifts one skinny leg, navy trousers hanging elegantly, and kicks his foot. Tiny granules of sand – silicon dioxide, limestone, chlorite, gypsum – spray before him, flying off a confidently-crafted shoe, dark in color.

"The sand is _chaffing_ my leather Prada logo loafers," the man moans. Then he swiftly steps out of his loafers, produces a neatly and crisply-folded square of fabric (linen, ivory luster), lifts one loafer heel-first from the sand, and begins to buff it with the flax fibers. "Never in all my life have I stooped so low as to tread upon a public beach in Italian calfskin." As the man completes his speech, he lifts his small, oddly-shaped head and looks at his surroundings.

"Greetings," Data says again, noting that the man seems to be functioning normally, although his blood pressure may be rising slightly at this very moment. He extends his hand for shaking, and the blond man stares at it for a long moment before fastidiously wiping Data's palm with the fabric square before accepting it for a shake. The man's shake is slight, weak, and Data makes a mental note to test the shakes of other humanoids on the island; perhaps this humanoid is suffering from a malady.

"Greetings." The man smooths down the front of his jacket – expertly cut, clearly expensive – and straightens in a way that reminds Data of those who had desired to please Captain Picard. "I am Dr. Niles Crane, Psychiatrist. And this is surely....Saint Croix? Saint Lucia? Saint Vincent? Saint–"

"I am sorry, sir," Data says, "but no saints are part of this settlement. Tabula Rasa is its name. My name is Data, and I may assist you."

"Tabula Rasa," Dr. Niles Crane repeats, his thin nose wrinkling in a most curious manner. "I suppose it would be too much to expect the name has anything to do with the resort tab." He laughs and Data frowns.

"I do not understand."

Dr. Niles Crane stops laughing after 0.38 seconds have passed and looks upon Data with utmost seriousness.

"The resort here is quite expensive, I expect. This is a private island, I presume – judging from the cleanliness of the beach, the absence of annoying gulls and tourists, and the lack of primitive boardwalks sporting gimmick-ridden cotton shirts bearing vulgar puns and subpar craftsmanship and the repugnant aroma of 'dogs on a stick' and pastel candy floss."

Data cannot compute much of what Dr. Niles Crane has said, though one thing is certain: "Negative."

"Negative?" Dr. Niles Crane gasps, one hand clutching at his chest.

If he is having palpitations of the heart, there is nothing to fear; Data's memory banks contain log upon log of medical procedures.

"Oh, be still my racing heart! This is not a public island, is it? There could be germs. There could be transmittable diseases and I have not packed properly for this trip! Actually, I can't remember booking such a trip, but Maris did say she had a surprise in store for–"

"There are many people here," Data confirms. "The island is inhabitable and so it is public in nature." He cannot help but to feel sorry for Dr. Crane; the man seems to be taken by surprise. Data supposes he can understand what 'surprise' feels like; his own first moments on the island were indeed curious, although he is still adjusting to being a humanoid being with emotions himself.

"Many– people–" Dr. Crane begins to breathe quite strangely, his breath coming out in short, gasping bursts. He leans forward slightly, then wretches himself back. "Public– boardwalk– hotdog–"

And then Dr. Crane is face-first on the beach.

Cautiously Data stoops down to shake his shoulder.

Response is negative.

As Data rises, his tricorder falls to the ground. Retrieving it, Data dusts sand granules from its surface and begins to scan; he must test its accuracy. If there are errors, he will need to make the proper adjustments to fix it.

The readings are the same as before – the environment is Class-M and appears to be tropical in nature and Terran in origin – save for the reading regarding lifeforms. It shows one humanoid lifeform rather than two.

As Data does not feel differently than he had only moments ago and assessing his interactions with Dr. Niles Crane, Data can only conclude that his tricorder had been malfunctioning minutes earlier and now is functioning properly again.

When Dr. Niles Crane awakens, Data must inquire as to his sentient artificial lifeform classification.


End file.
